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the twins

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All written content © 2012-2013 Helenna Santos-Levy

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into my pocket

I want to put you away, into my pocket,

I know you won’t be happy there  nestled underneath the lint and hair

yet all I want is to keep you there, so that you can’t leave me.

The hurt is here and I’m unaware that you’re cries are being formed.

But instead of looking in towards, I realized I’m being warned.

That my love for you is toxic to ever being able to

keep you here enclosed with me

and instead i let you go

and oh my dear god oh

I’m left with a hole

a hole in my pocket that was already void of any lining

a cruel cruel fucking joke on me.

 

All written content © 2012-2013 Helenna Santos-Levy

the assassination

Goddamn this is messy.

This snake inside of me that twits violently, the devil clutching my silver tongue.

What a moment I find myself in:

lost and churning, aching, burning, waiting for a release that never comes.

I stepped into this willingly.

A lamb being lead to slaughter in front of a firing squad.

Snipers aiming at my head and I stand here arms open, feet bound,

and head hung low waiting for that silent trigger.

Bang.

I don’t even hear it. I don’t even feel it. And here I am.

Heart left splattered on the white bedroom wall.

All written content © 2012-2013 Helenna Santos-Levy

The Stranger

What happened in that moment?

I looked into your eyes for too long, a second past the uncomfortable and into the sublime, flying off the edge in a chaotic dance of breath and death and tears

There is no going back.

The flicker of your lash as it falls against your cheek unleashes an earthquake underneath my feet and I’m devoured whole by the demons below losing limbs and blood and sight

But who needs them, who needs a body when the heart is not an organ but something that exists somewhere in this space between lust and love and longing

And you were just a stranger passing by me on a busy downtown street.

You had grazed my hand and we turned and looked at each other and all of this, all of you seeped into me, and I into you like we had had this moment in a million other lives with a million other I-s and You-s and We-s….

And I’ll forget this moment, like I have already all those times, but not before I find a breath, a heart beat to drink you in and tear you apart and meld us back together.

So until then I beg you.

Fall into this chaotic serene abyss with me.  Enter into me. And crawl into that space that no one else knows, no one else sees, help me find myself there in that where that scares me

Because that’s where I’ll find you next time.

Next time that we meet again on this street for the first time. Again and again. And again.

All written content © 2012-2013 Helenna Santos-Levy